Nicole vs. Life
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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