weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
