where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
