didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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