by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
