My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
