Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
