On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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