On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
