There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
