Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
