he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
