I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
