Me too!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
