Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
