If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
