If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
