did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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