hotel room ftw
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
