Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
