I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
