After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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