lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
