so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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