Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
