it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
