I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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