I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I understand Curling. That high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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