its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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