okay pat passed out under dana's car
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
