I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
