I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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