his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
im on a boat
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