so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
