They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
