well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
