i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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