I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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