Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
