Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
