so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
