Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
