We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
