just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Boobs speak an international language.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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