yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drake has all the answers
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
