I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't turn off my feet"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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