so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
