thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
