Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
