sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
