you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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