Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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