I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
