so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
