u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
